went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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