So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
