I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
