Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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