my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
