Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize