You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
