i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
