Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
