Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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