I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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