how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
