forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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