Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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