Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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