just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
