1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize