Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
