So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
