I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
