ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
