everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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