Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
