chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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