We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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