i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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