I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
