I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
