I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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