wrigley field is MILF paradise
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
