I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
