Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
