Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
