just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
