You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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