After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
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Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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