We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
