remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have demons in me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize