I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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