Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
