just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You are a genius and a whore.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
