Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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