Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
