its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
