I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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