we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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