Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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