my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
