I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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