Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
