Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
