Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
