Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
