I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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