I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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