Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
