I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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