The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
