You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
