took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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