he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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