I wish I could teleport
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize