I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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