Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
