I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
