I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
