She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
