my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
