well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize