you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
