So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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