Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
