I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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