just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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