So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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