I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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