I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
