The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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