I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
