Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
