she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
