Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
