so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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