I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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