Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
