doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
