tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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