Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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